1. 15:03 1st Feb 2013

    Anonymous asked: How many extra dicks do you have to go around?

    Too many, probably. 

     

  2. 14:27

    The 8-hour Diet, or “Let’s Make Fatty Miserable by Starving Him All Day”

    Well, that was some bullshit.  No breakfast, no snacky-time after 8:00, 1800 calories a day:  No results. Unless you’re my asshole friend Zeb Thomas, who barely has any weight to lose, doesn’t have a wedding coming up in . 3 minutes, and lost 5 lbs while breaking his fast with bacon biscuts and whisky sours.   Please enjoy a fresh bag of dicks on me, Mr. Thomas.  You’re a metabolic ballerina and one special kind of asshole. 

    (Zeb, let’s talk about my bachelor party later tonight.  Thanks buddy). 

     

  3. 22:19 11th Jul 2011

    Notes: 8

    Tags: quotesstoicism

    I’m suffering severe pain, you say. Well does it stop your suffering if you endure it like a weakling? Just as an enemy can do far more damage to an army if it is in full retreat, every trouble that comes your way presses harder on you when you turn tail and run.
    — Seneca
     

  4. 21:35 29th Jun 2011

    Tags: quotesrelationships

    Girls are like national geographic specials: They like to dig up really old shit and then talk about it for several hours.
    — Justin Halpern
     

  5. 21:07

    Notes: 175

    Reblogged from cutiecannon

    image: Download

     

  6. 16:22 19th Jun 2011

    Tags: quotesrelationships

    In the past, I would have urged her to change. But that was the fascism of the man in me, the insistent belief that limitations are weaknesses.
    — Tom Chiarella in Esquire
     

  7. 10:55 13th Jun 2011

    Notes: 5

    My daughter: Self-Esteem Assassin

    Me: I’m a happy drunk. Your mom’s a weepy drunk. Never marry a weepy drunk.


    Her: I guess. Or maybe never marry you.

     

  8. 19:16 7th Jun 2011

    Notes: 3

    image: Download

    This letter is all over the Internets lately.  I just wish people would stop disrespecting my ex’s privacy by sharing it.

    This letter is all over the Internets lately.  I just wish people would stop disrespecting my ex’s privacy by sharing it.

     

  9. 11:16 6th Jun 2011

    Notes: 1

    I think this every single day.

    I think this every single day.

     

  10. 23:40 5th Jun 2011

    Notes: 2

    image: Download

    I think the guy underbid himself. 

    I think the guy underbid himself. 

     

  11. 12:00 3rd Jun 2011

    Notes: 5

    Tags: quotesstoicism

    Think it no shame to be helped. Your business is to do what must be done, like a soldier on a wall. How could you do it if you were lame, and unable to scale the battlements yourself, unless you had the aid of a comrade?
    — Marcus Aurelius
     

  12. 11:13

    Notes: 6

    My daughter is a back-handed compliment ninja

    Yesterday on the ride home from school:

    “Basically I want a husband who is just like you, except that he needs to be a real man - you know, somebody who can fix things and build stuff.”

     

  13. 13:42 19th May 2011

    Notes: 8

    Throwback Thursday.  My daughter and me, while I was stationed in Germany, circa 93-ish.  Hoo-ah.

    Throwback Thursday.  My daughter and me, while I was stationed in Germany, circa 93-ish.  Hoo-ah.

     

  14. 15:04 17th May 2011

    Better than the one Contemporary Christian concert I attended.  100% chance that the lady in the beginning of the video has a collection of porcelain unicorns.   

     

  15. 10:39 16th May 2011

    Notes: 2

    This is not in my version of the Bible.  Catholics have extra books, ‘though - I’m gonna check it out.

    This is not in my version of the Bible.  Catholics have extra books, ‘though - I’m gonna check it out.